Taking Care of Your Fishing Pole

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Being Possessive

An apostrophe is a terrible thing to waste.

Much thanks to the Website, Apostrophe Catastrophes, for providing today's Gallery entry.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 2/8/10

Here's your Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of February 8th.

Boy, look at all of the action. They're really modeling excitement in catching that bouquet.

Creepy Jack

This ad was in one of the freebie weekly flyers we get in the mail. I'm sure most of you have seen the Magic Jack commercials on television.

I never realized it until I received this flyer, but the Magic Jack dude is a little creepy-looking.

Mummy Man, Pt. Deux

Last week I featured an animated ad for regiMEN anti-aging skincare formula for men. As you can see, they doctored the flash file to make the "before" image look not only old, but downright mummified. This morning when checking my Yahoo mail, I saw another regiMEN ad, this one weirder and more ridiculous than the first:

Subtlety is what they were shooting for here, I do believe.

One Bad Mother

A delectable treat from the Japanese company, Lotte:

Maybe I'm being too Freudian here, but I'm not sure I want to put anything called "Mother" into my mouth.

Free Bonus Massager

Here's another gem from the Dr. Leonard's, supposedly "America's Leading Discount Healthcare Catalog." Last week I featured the Activ-otc Power Strips, and now we have another vital healthcare item:

Sex tapes and a dildo. Just what grandma needs to ensure her good health and mobility.

There's No Town Like Clown Town

Back in December, I posted a photograph of a sign for Clown Town Children's Center in Spokane, WA. But it seems that there are other Clown Towns we need to be aware of. Here's a poster for a comedy improve performed at the Steve Allen Theater in Los Angeles:

I'm not sure if the thing in this poster is actually a clown. Looks more like a turd with a cowboy hat.

National "Security"

Here's another curious use of quotation marks, perfect for the Don't "Quote" Me on That section of the Gallery:

I'm traveling today, and this sign doesn't do much for my peace of mind.

Thanks to the "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks, where I found this image.

Jesus H. Cholesterol

It's difficult to put into words the sheer horror of Ronald McDonald, especially one that talks. But Gallery fan Nick Zachariasen does a good job of describing this phenomenon. Last month he visited a McDonald's in Mitchell, SD.

Here is what Nick says about his experience:

"Sitting down to what at that den of gastronomic perfidy passes for breakfast, I was subjected to a horror even worse than the dryness of a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. I’ve not seen a display like this in any other McDonald’s that I can recall. They’re out of frame, but this setup has a stereo set of speakers mounted from the ceiling. Yes, this Ronald talks. It not only talks, but sings. While holding the Happy Meal characters, it delivered a song about hiking in the woods with them and encountering a bear. It also extolled the virtues of making sure you bring along a good meal of McDonald’s 'food' to sustain you.

"This singing statue was enough to creep even me out, and I like scary clowns. For me, much of the reason I find clowns funny is precisely because other people find them scary. This, though, actually made me uneasy, and that is no mean feat. This came about mainly because of the face and build. This thing looks like a greasepainted Thai ladyboy dolled up as one of the West’s most adored (for whatever misguided reason) corporate mascots. Adding to the effect were the sun coming up in the horizon behind it and its upward gaze as it held its resin apostles, making it look like some sort of Messiah of trans fats— Jesus H. Cholesterol, if you will— saying 'suffer the little Fry Kids to come unto you, and forbid them not: for such is the kingdom of a heart surgeon.'"

Thank you, Nick. A truly frightening way for us to start our day, wouldn't you agree?

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 2/1/10

Your Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of February 1, 2010:

I'm not a violent person, but this is another stupid J. Crew pose that just makes me want to slap the model.

Quotation "Fix"ation

For your Sunday enjoyment, another in an ongoing series of questionable quotation usage:

Much thanks to my good friend, Al Wirtes, who found this image on the Website There, I Fixed It.

Sock It to Me

While in the checkout line at my local Walmart, I saw Vince Shlomi's "Slap Chop" on an impulse buying shelf (and sitting beside Snuggies, no less).

I could comment on how the slogan at the bottom of the package, "Making America skinny, one slap at a time!," is rather appropriate, given his adventures last year with a South Beach prostitute. But I won't.

What really disturbs me about this product is Shlomi's face on the package. Have you noticed how freaky it is? Go ahead, take a closer look:

Now I feel like I need a shower.

Bouncy Bouncy

Here's another Web-based advertisement, a flash file advertising for AT&T:

I'm not sure if a bouncing head barely attached to its neck is your best choice for a mascot. Jeez, this guy's head is so freaky.

Man-Child

Here's one of the advertisements I recently found on my Facebook profile page.

What the hell is this all about?! The image is enough to make you crap your britches in fear.